Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
