FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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