is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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