i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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