her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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