Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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