my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
