Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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