i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
