Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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