He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
vagina is talking i cant
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
