bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
false alarm, still single
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