I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
