Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
