Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
