I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
