I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
