if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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