dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
