I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
