You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
