I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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