i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
