My sheets look like a crime scene.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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