I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
