does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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