Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
