SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
