so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
