My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize