put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
