Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize