he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
