this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
