pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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