I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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