i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
