But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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