There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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