Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
