I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
