i just wanna soil my oats bro
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
