she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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