Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
