Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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