I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
