I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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