You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
