So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
well you can't waste a boner
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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