We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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