Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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