You can't special order awesome
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
