I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
