I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
