dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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