he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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