if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
