Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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