Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
