My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
