What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My pussy is not your playground.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
