Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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