I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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