he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
