My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
