Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
