It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
this just has baby written all over it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
