Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
