Your dad touched me again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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