apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
