Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
