I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
