on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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