i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
