I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
