I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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