its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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