god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
