It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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