just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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