He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
