I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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