I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
