Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
