my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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