So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize