we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
