I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
