Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
