we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
