i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize