I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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