I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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